Credit: It's hard to know which one to hate more

Another Snow Patrol record; another series of Match Of The Day closing montages soundtracked. Gary Lightbody has made a lot of money making music that pretends to convey emotion for people who seem to struggle to experience it outside of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, and ‘Take Back The City’ is no different.

It’s almost no fun mocking the latest musical sneeze from Lightbody – in fact, I’ve gone wrong to even liken it to a sneeze. A sneeze is over in a split second, whereas this goes on for more than four of the sorriest minutes I’ve experienced all year. What it does share with a sneeze is that you’ll forget it mere moments afterwards, and that while it’s going on your entire body is paralysed into inactivity by the unpleasant sensation that’s just been foistered upon you.

If you really want to torture yourself, here’s a video:

The guitars – firmly set to “only rock out hard enough that they don’t make Magic FM listeners cry” levels - sound so leashed they feel like an affront to anyone who’s ever seen an electric guitar, let alone played one. The vocals could only be wetter if Lightbody sung them in the bath – there’s a lack of sincerity, of drive, of anything even remotely resembling passion as mumbles such cack-tongued cliches as “no need to put your words into my mouth”. He might as well be asking what the price of butter is.

‘Take Back The City’ is out on October 13. If you buy it, we will come to your house and burn it down.