Credit: Found On Internet

I pray for a day: not when there is global peace and rabbits hug lions in passionate embrace, but for a day when Preston’s face is out of the Media. I beg to the lord everyday for this little miracle.

The past few months have seen that mans pouting mug is everywhere, at first I thought the cheating little shit has had his fifteen minutes and might go away, but now I fear this "Prestonism" is getting big. This is a very worrying development. Don’t make us organise a Live 8, the lengths we had to go to, to get Bob Geldoff off the scene for a bit was exhausting for everyone involved.

Now if we could only persuade the windchaffed hogs of the redtops that his pretty little face wasn’t worth another sale. OK & Hello must have had exhausted their Jordan & Peter double page spreads as I hear tale they are closing in on the mighty media fortress of Preston & Chantelle. Top scientist think it is all too late already, the groundswell of TV Quick and Woman's Own features have put too much Prestonism into the environment. Fearing total meltdown there have been a number of Tory MP’s that have been lobbying for Prestonism calming methods, and in an unlikely alliance Swampy has returned with a groundswell of enthusiasm demanding a total cull.

Not only has it affected daily life but affect the very foundations of the Queens language: Ordinary seems to have taken on a new meaning since I was at grammar school. There is nothing ordinary about being on the cover of every 10p title from here to Whitby. My nephew Matthew, now there you have a real ordinary boy, keeps away from girls, pee’s the bed once in a while and likes to hang out with all those boys from Alpha-Uanus Squadron when they come back from Mission Desertkillkillkilleverything, I mean round here that is a real Ordinary Boy.

In these dark times I find little solace in these few words:
Relief comes to those that wait.

This is the Ghost of Mary Whitehouse reporting from under the door with the white blanket dipped in white spirit hoping this will all blow over.