Credit: Found On Internet

I have just received the most curious bit of SPAM.

You are invited to attend
"Saskia Howard-Clarke’s official VIP birthday celebration”
Friday 4th April at the exclusive North London club ‘TheHill’
Please do not pass this invitation onto anyone as this is an invitation/guest list only event"

Now, I live locally to the place mentioned on the invitation, and instantly thought "Is this someone I know? Is it someone from the pub? Or that I went to school with? Someone from Myspace or Facebook thingy ? Who goes to The Hill? £12 / £15 that seems a bit steep for someones birthday."

Alas, The Kinks view of ‘Muswell Hillbillies’ are long gone. Also gone are the Estate Agents' versions of ‘Yummy Mummy’ Muswell Hill. The sad state of possibly the entire country is enscapulated in this email.

How come I am being invited to a birthday for someone I don’t even know? I wrote back to them asking how come I am on their mailing list? I look up the website http://www.coutureentertainment.co.uk/ . *shudder* it is some events company. A really chavvy one that tries to sell Girls Free before 11 and  £10 V&T’s as  Couture.

Third it is the birthday of someone called Saskia Howard-Clark. Figuring that I don’t know who Couture is and don’t remember anyone called Saskia throw her name into Google. Oh My! What an eye opener – Now I am lucky I have safe search on each google entry mentions her (and this is a direct quote) ‘Massive T**S!’. Then I see those evil little words Big Brother. Big Bother 6 was apparently in 2005. Turns out anyway that Saskia is a well-endowed Nuts and Zoo wankmag celeb.

So let me get this right? Muswell Hill's only venue has a birthday party for the fifth evictee of the sixth series of a reality TV show, who is only still famous (just) because she has big kahuna burgers? And it's supposed to be a big bloody secret so don’t dare pass it on?

^{Oh the humanity!}

I better write some sort of article about how this country is going straight to Hell in a Handjob… And more importantly how my local town has turned into a lager-ridden Neuvo Chavfest where this sort of thing passes as a gig - I mean, what happened to Dexter Fletcher's funkband as our local D-list celeb music offering?