Credit: Found On Internet

The Guardian officially declared the festival season open. Where have you been? Managed to get six of them in so far, and I have had this particular Bugbear turn around and say ‘hi dave’ to me last weekend at Download. It regards the appropriating of the other genders restrooms. It seems that for all the crowing that men are terminal kids, below their calm exteriors, all ladies are yet to grow up (Yay sweeping generalisations) and are prim little sissies..

Girls feel free to use the men’s loo’s toilets, don’t worry about it. Some mascara smeared blonde is always welcome in the line for the shitters. Please excuse the smell of acrid ammonia from the urinals or the long line of men with their dongs out in public. Having a perfumed lady in there not only provides a welcome ease on the eyes, but also usually funny banter and about a square foot of a nice smell. Ladies we welcome you.

When the foot is on the other hand however, be careful boys. Woe betide those men who dare to venture to girl’s bogs. It doesn’t happen often, but when the moon is in the nest of Achilles or the toilets are a little knackered, or might be in a place with not many girls (gay clubs, Drive By Truckers gigs, role-playing conventions), then a barrage of abuse will be dealt out on that poor gentleman desperate enough to relive themselves in into the ladies. The most innocent virginal looking woman will turn into a crooked granny screaming foul upon any male walking into the womans restroom, and treated as a veritable sex pest. ‘Get in your own toilets’, ‘Oh my god there is a man in here’, ‘aaagh, Get out, Get out’ they cry through thin gin lips. 

This constant and overwhelming response is positively archaic. Especially when you think there is no joining of genitals in a trough like unison, all ‘the action’ takes place away behind locked doors. ‘Oh but you boys make it messy’ I hear the reply? Do we?

If my ‘official ladies loo studies’ are correct then women are often found hovering above the porcelain whilst a man will sturdily sit on it. This Hover vs. Sit means that the ladies loo’s are a lot more likely to have peep and poop all around the seat or even behind, while the gentleman’s restroom is likely to be a more reliable but smelly place.